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I have a (bad?) habit of going out of my way to make things that I'm saying softer sounding.  It seems like most of the time things are "pretty much" like something as opposed to actually being that thing, at least when it's up to me to describe it.  Similarly, if someone asks me what I'm doing, my answer is almost always somewhere in the neighborhood of "Oh, not much." 

The fact that I haven't made a blog post in something like three months should probably tell me that that's really not the case! 

Truth is, it really hasn't been the best few months for me.  I've been increasingly unable to sleep, which lead to some down turn in health.  As usual, I stacked up non-sleep until my body crashed, I called in sick to work, and slept for about 36 or 40 hours over the course of three days.  A lot of the stuff I was excited about in that last post crashed, burned, or blew up in my face.  The girl I was so keen on pretty much dropped my like a hot rock, after a while, leaving nothing behind but the copy of Dead until Dawn that I never got a chance to return to her.  I really liked her, but fortunately, I've managed to not be real busted up about this.  It sucked, but lots of things suck, and none of those have killed me.  More frustrating lately is work.  Though I still love the actual work I'm doing, my position within my company really doesn't make me happy.  I've felt that I've either failed myself, or been somehow betrayed or left behind by callous management.  Either option is pretty depressing.

That's not to say that everything is bleak.  I've had a lot of fun lately.  I saw a really great show, at my favorite live music place in Austin.  I've been playing a lot of games, most of which are making me pretty happy.  I'm even kind of hopeful that maybe there'll be someone interesting enough to date that drifts across the scope sometime in the near future.  It's November now, and I think I'm going to be writing some.  I had a thought that kind of came together not long ago while thinking about some story challenges that Cj had put up months ago.  Individually, they never gave me any great ideas (which caused me to fail at the exercise, at least in my head, since the whole point was to come up with something and just GO) but managed to have them slip together enough that they kind of make a story for me.  Maybe that'll lead to more writing.

Whoops, June kind of slipped away from me.  It was kind of a rough month anyways though, with a lot of hurry up and wait kind of atmosphere.  That's what it felt like to me, anyways.

The positive (really positive) thing about that though, is that my hurrying up, and subsequent waiting mostly seems to have paid off!  My work schedule change is in.  I've now got weirder weekends, but hours that work better with my desire to be a night owl.  10-7 sounds pretty great, and it happens to play perfectly with my vacation this week.

I can't even begin to say how psyched I am for an actual vacation.  I haven't seriously taken time off to do anything in a few years (not counting unemployment and the like) so this is going to be a breath of fresh air.  Seeing Chris and Cj out east for a week is going to be a nice boost to my spirits.  Plus, not all that long afterwards, another friend is coming out my way to shop around for living arrangements and stuff.  I'm hoping it will play out that he lands a job with me, and then my fledgling plans for home sale will line up conveniently and see me buying a new, bigger place, that I can then have a renter in as well to help me cover mortgage easily.  That's a staggering amount of ifs and follow ups, even for me, but I like the idea of it all falling into place too much to not think about it.

I'd be lying if I said that all of this was the only thing that's got me kind of buzzing currently.  I don't wanna jinx it just yet, but there's a girl that I'm pretty taken with, and we seem to be hitting it off REALLY well so far.  I'm hoping that things keep up like this.  ^_^

Hold [RB] to flip the Warthog...
People who have driven around with me probably know that few thing piss me off more than my car not working.  To be fair *anything* not working right has at least the potential to make me crazy, but my car?  That's a sure way to either send me into a red rage, or a bout of money related depression.  My, by now, venerable and storied Impala is in the process of biting the dust, in the worst way; the sort of epic car fail that costs several thousand dollars just to be rid of the thing.  Some sort of leak sprung in my radiator water pump, which lead water into my oil (THE OIL, for Christ's sweet sake!) which not surprisingly is really bad.  During this brief time that nothing was being cooled (literally less than an hour of me driving from work to home) this seems to have done some pretty serious damage to the Head Gaskets.  Did you guys know that it takes upwards of an eight hour work day to even isolate which of the Heads is damaged and how much on an 02 Impala?  It was news to me.  Complicate this further with the fact that I've left my work security badge, and some bill paying implements in passenger seat, and this has turned into quite the ordeal.  At least my rental car is kinda nice.  Hopefully I'll be able to sell the Impala for a serious enough amount of money once repaired to turn around and start looking at a new car.  One that will never break.  Ever.

The Christmas vacation that I got the Impala, I also played Halo for the first time.  I remembered Halo from the press and hype it had been getting when it was destined for a Mac only release, and had sense heard it royally trashed by Penny Arcade, and most other people for being a frat game that could sit alongside Madden as 'the game that it was okay for jocks to play'.  I thought it was an amazing game.  I spent time just cruising around in the Warthog and looking up at what Larry Niven called 'the Arc of Heaven' in his Ringworld books.  I felt a lot more invested in the game than I did most other shooters where you play some sort of super soldier badass, I think because it managed to capture the desperation (for me at least) of this hopeless challenge that you're playing through better than any other FPS besides Half-Life.  The Chief still bows to Gordon, but I really loved and felt deeply connected to the Halo games.  Semi-fitting that my car reaches more or less the end of its life while I'm finally getting around to playing Halo 3.  It was kind of the same experience for me, since 3 was much maligned as well, by all of the sources that I heard about it from, but I still love these games.  It was a good end, and goes out like it came in. 

Hello again, blogging.
I think originally I got out of the habit (such as it was for me) of blogging because I felt that I wasn't really saying anything important or interesting.  I think that's still true, but as usual, revelations can strike at any time, for no reason at all.  Alternatively, maybe an actual important reason.  I'm still quite certain that my blogging won't change the world, and maybe not even impact anyone around me, the way some other people's blogs do, even just amongst the people I know.  However, what I did decide on that it may have positive changes for me.  I hardly ever keep up with the my friends who blog (who are many and interesting) because I didn't like being associated with the rather stale turd of a blog I used to have.  Now I've got even more reason to actually keep tabs on what folks like Mackenzie and Cj are writing about and try to keep up my own writing here as well.  And it is writing, isn't it?  I can't construct a scenario where I need to be writing less.  From a quote I saw in someones sig on the Warmachine boards, 'Time spent in the saddle is never wasted.'  Too true.  Any writing is good writing.

That said of course, I'll now go work on sleeping and play Disgaea, until sleep finally gets a good foothold.  Still, it's the first step that's the hard one, right?

In case there are people who a) would find this amusing, b) would make it here, and c) I haven't already had tiny spasm joy at about this, please enjoy this video.  Like all of these, I've watched it a retarded number of times today, and probably will continue watching it at irregular intervals until all the sites that could possibly house it are gone.  


So good.


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